Childhood Celeb Crushes and Their Influence on Our Sexuality
Or Sydney and I just want to stroll down sexy memory lane
By Shelby and Sydney
We decided to end the week on a happy, nostalgic note. As I discover Gilmore Girls, and subsequently Jess Mariano, Sydney and I decided to take a deep dive into the young celeb crushes and what they meant to us then and now. I’d like to think that some of these strapping young men have formed the perfect specimen to embody my “taste” in the opposite sex. But don’t worry, my list features some super hot women too that not only influenced my own appearance and demeanor, but also my taste in women.
Shelby’s List:
Ashton Kutcher as Michael Kelso in That 70’s Show (1998-2006)
Okay, so I haven’t watched every episode of That 70’s Show, but I’m pretty sure I’ve always been in love with young Ashton Kutcher. The hair? Check. The goofy, dumb-boy but adorable and charming? Instant check.
Drake Bell in Drake and Josh (2004-2007)
Let’s talk about hair again: this super structured, yet shaggy look is everything. Also, the fact that he’s an asshole, ignores school, plays the guitar—all things I wasn’t—is an instant win for me.
Chad Michael Murray as Nomad in A Cinderella Story (2004)
Nomaaaaddd. Wow, where can I find such a romantic, intellectual, writer-boy who also looks like Chad Michael Murray? Have you seen him? Literally, Prince Charming. I actually never watched One Tree Hill, but CMM in this movie is enough to get my fix.
Matthew Underwood as Logan Reese in Zoey 101 (2005-2008) (sorry I couldn’t find a good gif!)
Wow, before making this list, I completely forgot not only about this classic show but about Matthew Underwood too. Everything I’ve said so far about hair doesn’t necessarily apply to this, other than the fact that his hair is different from everyone else. Also, the cockiness? The arrogance? Sign me up.
Zac Efron in High School Musical (2006)
Let’s go back to hair for a second. Why was hair sooo important? The shaggggg. The EMOTIONS! Okay, Zac Efron, you’re adorable and can sing and was struggling with identity, just like me. Could I play basketball or sing, but still, he understood me.
Ed Westwick as Chuck Bass in Gossip Girl (2007-2012)
As you’ve surmised, I like assholes and who’s the best at being a horrible person? Chuck Bass. Oooohhh, Chuck Bass. How you made me crazy in high school. Fun fact, I actually never finished Gossip Girl so I don’t really know what happened between him and Blair, but I can dream. Also, I do particularly enjoy Ed Westwick with a beard too…
Alexander Skarsgard as Eric Northman in True Blood (2008-2014) (I couldn’t find a good gif that summarizes the sexiness like this picture)
Dear Ashleigh, if you’re reading this, you did this to me. Hellooooooooo Alexander Skarsgard, one of the hottest men alive. I watched True Blood in high school and this was probably the first instance of my weird obsession with sex, sexuality, and identity. Eric Northman, while also a proclaimed asshole, has one season where he has amnesia and becomes Goofy Eric and wow. I just love him so much and Sookie was never good enough for him!
Sydney’s List:
Orlando Bloom as Legolas in The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit film series (2001-2014)
When I was in fifth grade, me and my best friend cut out every photo we could find of Orlando Bloom in J-14 and Tiger Beat and made a binder of our love for him (Legolas for me, Will Turner for her). Ah, young love.
Milo Ventimiglia as Jess Mariano in Gilmore Girls (2001-2006)
First of all, if you have not watched Gilmore Girls, wtf? Second of all, Jess is the mold for almost all my exes. Hot, well read, a little moody, and seriously unavailable. I’m not saying it’s his fault, but I’m not not saying that ya know?
Jared Leto as Jordan Catalano in My So-Called Life (1994)
We had to put at least one dumb hottie on here. Jordan Catalano is the second-year-senior you were in love with as a freshman. He was so cool with his band and red convertible. He’s always leaning. Against stuff. He leans great.
Tuxedo Mask in the Sailor Moon television series and films
Who doesn’t want a hot guy in a tuxedo to rescue them from the forces of evil? And the fact that he was in college while Usagi was in middle school? Hot. Illegal, but hot. He’s also really cool when not saving the world. His human alias Mamoru is smart, responsible, good with kids (I mean, he is dating one…), and is super supportive! *swoon* He’s also a king so there’s that.
James Lafferty as Nathan Scott in One Tree Hill (2003-2012)
Okay, so Nathan was a total douche with a heart of gold. He just needed the right person to show him he doesn’t have to be a dick like his dad! Then he straight proposes to his girlfriend of like a month and they get married. IN HIGH SCHOOL. They totally stay together too. And I’m out here at 25 trying to get a dude from Bumble to text me back.
Ian Somerhalder as Damon Salvatore in The Vampire Diaries (2009-2017)
Okay, I was watching this at the peak of the teenage girl fascination with vampires, so who’s really surprised? Damon is the bad boy brother so obvi he was my favorite. There’s just something about a guy that could drain all your blood that’s just so hot. And his eyes? FMU.
Ian Harding as Ezra Fitz in Pretty Little Liars (2010-2017)
By now you’ve realized all my picks are supremely inappropriate suiters in their own right (minus Nathan because he was so wholesome), so why would my last one be any different? Mr. Fitz was the English teacher to PLL Aria. They were also boning for most of the show. Somehow I really just had no problem with this (shocker). Next week you can read about how I was once internet-famous for my fanfiction about them.
Other Honorable Mentions:
Sydney: Orlando Bloom as Will Turner in Pirates of the Caribbean film series (2003-2007)
This is an honorable mention because I do think this has a lot to do with my love of Orlando Bloom as Legolas, since they are around the same time and I saw LotR first, but swashbuckling Will Turner could seriously get it.
Shelby: Channing Tatum as Duke in She’s the Man (2006)
I love this movie for so many reasons, mostly because it’s based on Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night (and covers it super well) but also because of young, sexy, Channing Tatum.
Sydney: Prince Eric in The Little Mermaid (1989)
Look, I’m not the only one and I don’t need to explain myself to you.
Sydney: Adam Brody as Seth Cohen in The O.C. (2003-2007)
Seth Cohen is an honorable mention because I didn’t actually watch The O.C. until I was in college, but he’s too perfect a guy not to note. Seth is attractive, funny, passionate, nerdy. He bags the hottest girl in school so you know he’s got swag. He’s also the creator of Christmukkah. So yeah. Seth is the guy you end up with after all those other dudes send you into SLAA.
Shit We’re Loving: Pets (not People)
Since we just told you all about the fictional boys we would have died for, we wanted to tell you about the actual men in our lives.
Sydney’s Pick: Costello
Last June I was having a particularly bad day. In an attempt to cheer myself up, I scrolled through the pictures of dogs and cats available for adoption at the shelter I volunteer at. Lo and behold, the most perfect ginger marshmallow appeared on my screen. 3 hours later I was holding this precious gem of a man and bringing him home. Costello is a (now) 4-year-old orange tabby found on the streets of New York and was rescued by Animal Haven last spring. He was actually adopted and returned because of behavior issues (how dare they). I went in, scooped him up and brought him home. It was the best thing I ever did.
When I brought him home he definitely had a bit of an adjustment period. From his time fending for himself on the street, he developed a hard outer shell and would lash out anytime anyone tried to pet him. I had scratches all over my hands and arms for months, but I knew all he needed was to be shown that he was loved and safe and he would soften up. He has done so much better as he is coming up on his 1-year anniversary of being adopted. He still has some body-handling issues, but he has started trusting me and my roommates that we love and care for him. I am really proud of him and the progress he’s made over the last year. I absolutely adore him and am so glad I was so impulsive.
Shelby’s Pick: Banshee
Do you even see that face?? I’ve already provided the story of how Zack and I obtained Banshee, among our other babies, but goddammit do I love this dog. I’ve had bigger dogs my whole life, but this little fluffy potato is just my heart and soul. He loves me so much, he follows me around endlessly (he’s not a fan when I’m in the bath because he can’t get to me, but he still feels the need to “protect” me by laying close to the bath). He has the stinkiest doggo breath ever, never lets me clean his eye goobers, and doesn’t love getting his paws wiped down after it rains, though he does tolerate it. He also rarely listens to Zack, but of course obeys me, which I find hilarious. And truly he’s such a happy boy.
There’s something so special about a senior dog. Don’t get me wrong, I wish I could see a teeny baby Banshee (or if he had puppies?? I would scream), but we got to discover his personality as he decided to show it. Our relationship had to be based totally on trust, and while we totally lucked out and he is so well-behaved already, but he needed to be sure he could live with us, not us with him. I love his little hairy ears and his somehow always dirty toefloofs. I love his fluffy pantaloons and how his tail makes me laugh every time (especially when high) and I love that I can pick him up and just squeeze him. My Boodle Boy!
Daily Intentions
Today I will…
Take the weekend off. I know that I’ve basically been “taking the whole week off” but, fuck, I need a break. So take a mini vacation with me!
Here’s some nifty buttons for you to press, enjoy: