WHAT WE’RE MOST PROUD OF FROM OTF
What have you learned about yourself? Your gifts and talents? Needs and wants? What was your favorite part of OTF? Is there anything from our little world here you’re going to continue to do after?
Lorin:
I’ve learned that I am better at writing than I thought. I am still not good at proofreading but that’s what I have Aimée for (especially as I type this laying in bed on my phone)! My piece about my seizures helped me be more comfortable talking about it to others and truly owning the fact that the seizures are part of me whether I like it or not. I wanted to write another piece about how great going to therapy is but I never got around to it so maybe I’ll use my voice on social media to gently tell the world about it.
Three favorite parts of OTF:
All the Gilmore Girls references of course! I’ve watched it over and over but reading others thoughts helped me find things I didn’t see before in the show. I love Gilmore Girls so I will read anything about it.
Getting to know Kayla more through her writing! Aimée would mention Kayla often in the last seven(?) years I’ve known her but I didn’t get to meet Kayla until Aimée’s wedding so it was nice to be able to get to know someone, virtually, who means so much to my friend. It was great getting to meet her in person, finally, and tell her how I enjoyed reading her pieces. It made meeting her in person much easier too because we had something to relate to.
Reading Aimée’s pieces. I know how much writing means to her so again, it was great to be able to connect with her through her pieces. I care a lot about my friends so I love getting to see them do something they are passionate about. Proud of you friend!
Kate (aka Spicy):
Well, Since OTF.... 2020ish to now... I have learned a lot of shit about myself honestly. I've mostly learned how to be completely comfortable with myself. Took me a long time to figure myself out in general, and to learn to be comfortable in my own skin. I feel like I've blossomed into this social, crazy, loud, butterfly that I've always meant to be. Talents? Welp, started piano lessons about a year and a half ago. Might be the oldest person in the program but hey, I'm not too shabby. The looks of the faces i get from parents when it's my turn to play in the recital? PRICELESS but YOLO. My favorite part of OTF was reading all the different views about all sorts of topics. I really felt the personality within all the blogs, and got tons of laughs from it. I don't read blogs much, but this one I kept up with daily. One thing I am going to take away from this is how powerful writing can be as an outlet. Also, the value of friendships and relationships too.
Vidha:
I learned that I dearly miss writing and need to make more time for it. It is infinitely better for my mental health to put pen on paper rather than leave my 7500 daily thoughts swirling around in my ADHD brain. I also learned that I love READING my own pieces and connecting with the shared values or experiences that read from others! I used to always think that I was the only crazy one (LOL) but OTF and the vulnerability of our authors has shown me that we aren't all that different! I realized that I need to be more intentional about my writing. I know that it brings me joy and I hope to continue this in another way moving forward. One of my favorite parts of OTF was the New Suns - this reignited my interest in astrology and connecting with nature and natural patterns - these, along with the collabs, were by far my favorite pieces to read! Thanks for expanding my mind and opening my eyes to the world, ladies!
Blaze:
What I often brag about with OTF is the variety of voices featured here. That might seem extremely short-sided and incorrect considering our core writing staff is all millennial white women somewhere in the range of lower to upper middle class but the real varying perspective comes from the locations in which our regular writers were raised.
A lot of times I walk around San Francisco and remark how everyone looks the exact same. There are about three different SF aesthetics to choose from and most of the time it’s great to walk into a place and see such familiarity and know you share similar values, experiences, and attitudes with those around you but other times it feels like “The Truman Show.” We all have celebrated birthdays at Key Klub, the trendy new natural wine bar, or had picnics in Golden Gate Park that got fogged out, or gone for aimless walks in the same Mission bookstores. Everyone has their favorite taco spot and best-hidden bar, as highlighted in Eater, and everyone has their favorite street art mural. It’s a city of similarities and sometimes it’s comforting to share such common experiences with strangers but too much of the same thing gets redundant after a while.
I take pride in the fact that this newsletter pulls from voices literally across the country, which is something that feels rare even in our perpetually online world. It might have caused some logistical issues, such as difficulties scheduling meetings or me waking up at 8am PST to realize I missed the 5am PST deadline (again), but with it came to the opportunity to compare notes with people we would never run into in our daily lives.
When a lot of the conversation around politics and culture in the US is geographically charged, it is a special thing to realize our little corner of the internet has a variety of places represented and take note that we’re not that much different from each other.
We grew up in red areas and blue areas with different religious beliefs, different family and relationship dynamics, different class understandings, and different micro-cultural experiences but we do all share the privileges of being white in America and seeing ourselves represented in the media we saw growing up; Lizzie McGuire, Britney, and Barbie to name a few.
Growing up we were raised pretty differently but related to culture similarly; that is to say as independently thinking white women with the freedom to explore media and the privilege of seeing a lot of ourselves in our heroes. We got to feel represented in our favorite TV shows, magazines, movies, and music. Representation matters and I feel like that push for outspoken and flirty white women leading the way in the 90s and early 2000s is why our specific generation of millennials feel so empowered to share our voices because we saw how easy it was for those we looked up to; Elle Woods, Sabrina, the Spice Girls, Buffy, Madonna, Hermione Granger, Blair Waldorf, Rory Gilmore, Mandy Moore, Molly Ringwald, Topanga, Kim Possible, Cher Horowitz, the list continues.
All of us saw the same character trope speak their minds over and over again in monologues and dance breaks that at the time felt inspired and iconic but when you zoom out, it was all just different factions of the same person. Spunky women were standing up to the man without having to address race or class, which made their particular fights more direct and pointed. The objective was always to be heard and have a voice at the table but never to dismantle the whole system. As young girls, we saw these characters as inspiration for our future selves, and as adults we can see how little representation there was for other women or even other perspectives.
OTF wasn’t a place for new groundbreaking ideas but rather a place to reflect as adults on the media that shape our generation and how that plays into our lives today. It was a place to explore the past and compare the present. It was a place for the freedom to explore ourselves and the media that raised us and to compare our own experiences with each other.
The idea that “change comes from within” can also apply to the feminist movement. We’ve seen countless examples of how white women can hold back progress for all women due to their choice to aline with their race instead of their gender, such as the 53% of white women who voted for Trump in the 2016 election. It is hard enough to convince men we need gender equality but to bring women on board with the idea that they deserve rights too feels awkward and antiquated. Why would you bet against yourself? Why would you actively not support other women who are fighting for your rights too? Why would you be exclusionary towards all women or people who identify as women? Why cause a greater schism in an otherwise already uphill battle? Because white women want to be heard and sometimes their opinions aren’t in line with progress but in fact directly oppose it.
Therefore getting white women to understand the beauty and importance of intersectional feminism is no one else’s responsibility except our own. It’s not women of color’s responsibility to teach women who are white the importance of intersectional feminism and hold them accountable and it’s not in the interest or understanding of men to do it either. So it’s up to us to talk to each other and that’s what this project did. We can’t claim inclusivity but hopefully, we can claim a little responsibility for thoughtfully dissecting our lived experiences and media influences in a way that felt relatable while spurring on some internal conversations and expanding the dialogue. Change comes from within.
Shelby never told us explicitly this was a feminist newsletter but it was always about the female voice. She did a great job of encouraging us to write about whatever we wanted and from that freedom naturally came a lot of reflections about femininity and our roles in the world as women. Knowing Shelby I knew the radical lens was more or less implied but it is really beautiful to me that that’s where we all kind of ended up on our own and through the guidance of each other.
I hope that OTF created a fun, clever, and entertaining space to make people feel comfortable enough to open up to some new ideas and critically think about their own biases and perspectives. I don’t think by any means we pushed the boundary but I do think we created a great example of what different women with different ideals could create when we came together.
I wish we had more writers of color or nonbinary writers but that progression didn’t happen in a larger way. Instead of counting that as a full miss and discrediting this project, I think we should think about the internal impact it had on white women to take the same bubble gum feminism all millennials grew up with and think more critically about it. Women of color don’t need our particular hot takes but maybe our more hesitant feminists do.
When talking about intersectional feminism you can’t expect someone who doesn’t believe in rights for themselves to understand the need for rights for others, so I hope OTF was that bridge for some people. I hope it was the open door, the conversation starter, the relatable familiarity towards feminism, and a more connected future.
I don’t think progress will be made if we expect everyone to think the exact same, but I do think we can shift the middle to bring in a little more empathy and understanding for others and recognize that while we’re all different, we can agree to be kind and thoughtful.
I once told an old boyfriend (who thankfully dumped me) that my dream was to be a chef and lead an all-female kitchen; which he claimed would never work because women fight amongst each other too much for that to ever be successful. I knew in my soul this wasn’t true and I’m proud to say that all the all-female projects I’ve been a part of didn’t end because of a catfight but because things end.
We’re supposed to grow and evolve and change and take on bigger projects and move on. Regardless of gender we are allowed to shift and OTF isn’t ending because we can’t do it, it’s ending to give us space to do so much more.
I don’t think (or hope not) this is the last time you’ll hear from this group of voices but I’m grateful for the discussions we’ve had and look forward to reflecting on our new perspectives gained the next time we’re together.
Kayla:
This seems like the most basic answer, but I've learned that 1) I actually CAN stick to something and 2) my writing is something that I am actually proud of. I've always loved to write, but my writing is always something I doubted. I never thought I was good enough or that anyone would actually want to read what I had to say. This experience has taught me that I need to give myself more credit and stop doubting myself so much. OTF has provided an outlet for my inner thoughts for the past three years and it has provided me with a sense of community. It is weird to think of having a community with people I have never met, or only met once, but it feels like I'm surrounded by people who uplift and support. Feedback and engagement from our readers has been so positive and my only hope that I have written one thing that resonates with every single person who has read the newsletter. Ultimately, my only goal when I started writing for OTF was to put out one piece and it is safe to say I overwhelmingly exceeded that goal. My hope for the future is that I will continue to find an outlet for my feelings in a way that feels safe and healthy.
Aimée:
OTF gave me something to care about at a time when I pretty much cared about nothing (except Animal Crossing). It gave me an excuse to talk to Shelby, my grad school friend crush, on the regular. It brought new, meaningful friendships into my life. It changed my perspective on Taylor Swift (still not a fan, but certainly not a hater anymore). It challenged me to write about things I had previously been too afraid to say out loud. It allowed me to see that people appreciate what I have to say, even if what I'm saying is silly/unusual/controversial/unexpected/repetitive/etc. It got me to visit Ohio for the very first time! It always gave me something to gush/gossip/complain about. It always provided me with a little something to read each day (or three times a week these past several months). It infuriated me, and yet it brought me so much joy and fulfillment.
It's really sad that this is ending, but I'm glad we have Shelby's wedding and our ongoing book club to look forward to. I still plan on sending stuff in the OTF slack any time I see something that makes me think of one of us. I love this crew; we're connected for life.
Sydney:
The last 3 years have been exceptionally hard on me emotionally. I have been the lowest I have ever been in my life, have struggled deeply with who I am, have reached the point where hospitalization was seriously considered (fuck the fact that we live in a society where I literally had to choose between my mental health and the ability to feed and house myself), and overall have been living with the weight of traumatic grief due to loss. OTF has provided a respite to my issues on more than one occasion. It brought new dear friends and a space to express whatever I was feeling. It is pretty sad to say goodbye, but it does feel like the right thing to do.
Shelby:
I’m proud of starting something, continuing it (read: not giving up no matter how often I wanted to) through multiple years, persevering and preserving our words, our voices, so we can finish gracefully.
I’m proud of the honesty and conviction, the fun and lighthearted, the true and deep, the factual and educational, and the realness that came from my writing and the other OTF writers.
I’m proud of the mistakes I made as a leader; the times I was wrong (there were many); the times I was ready to stop; the times I was uncreative, unresponsive, unwilling, all of that but somehow kept going. I didn’t know I needed tangible proof that I could do that.
I’m proud of creating this space for myself, for my friends, for anyone and everyone.
I’m proud of calling OTF a home for the past three years, centering it on my resume even though it wasn’t at all profitable, telling people that I run a newsletter that spans the country with women from all over getting together to share their voices on both trivial matters like Gilmore Girls or the Barbie Movie but also on real-life bullshit that require not only our acknowledgement but our kind hearts and love from each other like when we share about what happens to us when we go dark or our hopes and dreams compared to our fears and failures.
FINAL FAREWELL
Lorin:
I have enjoyed getting these emails so I will miss it but glad you are giving OTF a proper send off!
Kate (aka Spicy):
Thanks OTF!! I loved it all!
Vidha:
I missed yesterday's collab, but I have had so much fun weighing on these fun and thought-provoking topics! I am SO glad this newsletter exists and I was able to pull my (MANY) thoughts out of my head and into a tangible product. Thank you to the women of OTF for creating a space where we can be authentic and creative. I fell off reading the newsletter for a while, but once my personal and professional life came to a better routine, I always looked forward to the little notification ping that this hit my inbox! I cannot even count the number of times I would read a piece that ignited a reaction or revelation which I would immediately share with the author directly or my girlfriends who also read the newsletter. That always made for fun conversation and getting to know my friends a little bit better! I'll miss seeing the newsletter but I personally feel it has fulfilled its purpose - to bring together a wonderful group of intellectual, driven, and unique women who are unafraid to share their passions, frustrations, and ultimately, their beautiful writing. Thank you, OTF team!
Blaze:
Thank you to our readers for taking the time out of your day to listen to our little thoughts, which gave them the chance to be bigger ideas. Thank you to Shelby for creating and leading this project and thank you to my fellow writers for being vulnerable and sharing their work with the world.
Kayla:
The ending of OTF is bittersweet. In some ways, I know it is a new beginning for us. A time to explore new opportunities and outlets; however, it is also the end of an era. I don't know what lies ahead for my writing. I don't know what I'm going to do with my free time if I'm not reading the next OTF book club pick or planning pieces. For me, OTF was a huge way for me to connect with people, including my childhood friends that live so far away! It allowed Aimée and I to connect more and for that I am so grateful. OTF even allowed me to "rekindle" some older friendships with our guest writers - Vidha, I'm looking at you! I've also never felt so supported by my friends who have read my writing and reached out to offer support, kind words, and even validate my feelings. Thank you Madi and Becca for being so supportive! And finally, OTF allowed me to make new friends - which is something that was very hard in the beginning of the pandemic. Shelby, Sydney, and Blaze I love you all!
So, what I hope to take from this experience is more pride in my writing and the friendships I have made throughout the journey. My deepest hope is that this is not the final goodbye, and just a "see you later" while we all explore new paths. Thank you OTF for the incredible journey!
Aimée:
Good night, sweet prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest. (That's a reference for Shelby). OTF was a significant part of my life's journey that I will certainly never forget. I will cherish and revisit our back catalog for the rest of my life.
Sydney:
Even though OTF is coming to a close, the memories and relationships we created through this project will live on well after the last substack is sent and for that, I am very grateful.
Shelby:
What can I even say? “Thank you” doesn’t feel like enough. “You’re welcome” may be too bitchy, though not untrue. “I love you all” is also super true but feels like it falls flat, as I’ve said it so many times. “I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing, I’ve never known what I’m doing, it’s all for show and thank you all for coming” may be too unhinged, but definitely genuine. How about:
It has been a fucking honor to work with each of you daily, weekly, monthly, and annually. Each of you is a star and not in the Disney pop-icon kind of way, but in the way in that you are so undeniably unique, bright, otherworldly, awe-inspiring, cataclysmic, energetic, enchanting, enrapturing, confusing as hell sometimes, far-out, turbulent, radical in all the ways, dazzling, tear-inducing, magnetic, loud, and oh-so critical to my orbit, to my stardom, to my existence. Without you, my sky would be forever black.
Shit We’re Loving: PEOPLE
Shelby’s Pick: Our Trust Fund crew
Dear Lorin, Kate, Vidha:
Kate, I have no idea who you are but I’m obsessed with you calling yourself Spicy and being here. Never change. Lorin, thank you for contributing multiple times and for being our birthday / Gilmore Girls giveaway winner! And Vidha, thank you for being a reoccurring guest writer, it has been an absolute joy reading your stories, learning more about you, and getting to witness your enthusiastic voice.
Dear Blazer:
Blaze, Blazer, Hermione (not from HP but from A Winter’s Tale, you losers), absolutely fuck you for being so beautiful, heartbreakingly creative with your words, and a soul this team needed (even if you are on PST). This is definitely not the end of our adventures together, as they have persevered longer than anyone else on this team. Remember editing that “award-winning” essay that was totally plagiarized and you and I fixed it (read: rewrote) for publication? That’s us, baby, except next time we’ll be the ones with some award-winning, non-plagiarized words. Also, remember twerking in my face? Me too. 🥵 You’re the fucking realest, man, thank you for wearing your heart on your sleeve, for sharing your soul-wrenching voice, and for being my friend too.
Dear Kayla:
My sassy, Cancer, spiked lemonade sweet tea, bitch! Remember getting me fucking DRUNK when you came to Ohio for like 36 hours? Never again. It was crazy to me when Aimée asked if she could join Sydney and me, which means it was absolutely unbelievable when Aimée told me you wanted to join OTF too. I thought, “What do you mean this random person wants to write with us weirdos as if we’re saying anything important?? Like, she knows we’re all really losers, right?” And yet, here you are, one of the most committed members of the team. It’s been incredible getting to know you—someone so unexpectedly cool, ferocious, bubbly, hilarious, brave, and humble—by getting to read your pieces and the history your share. You’re a beautiful person, Kayla, and a beautiful writer now with a portfolio of posts straight from your heart, which is a big one.
Dear Aimée:
It’s still wild for me to think that you wanted to not only be my friend, but to also then want to join this totally chaotic, absolutely not thought out at all, and definitely going-to-fail project. Back in school with you, all I could think about was how intimidated I was about your smarts and writing skill—for fucks sake, Maertz liked you!—and then you were like “Hey can we be friends” and I was like “Why would she want to even be friends with me?????” And then we went and got German beer together and here we are, FIVE YEARS LATER, friends, coworkers, co-conspirators, co-writers. Thank you for taking this project to the next level and being the springboard to getting more writers. Thank you for bringing your friends to the table, knowing they too may want or need a seat here sometimes. Thank you for doing the brackets for our theme weeks and challenging us to be on time (look, our last piece ever is on time!) and to the schedule even when my lazy ass wanted to kick in. And, just thank you for being here, still.
Dear Sydney:
Hey you. YES, YOU. The one I dragged into this chaos with me. You were so nice to say yes, but I know for a fact you’ve regretted it once or twice along the way and don’t worry, me too. I have many writer friends (shoutout to Blazer and Aimée), but I reached out to you, Sydney, oh-so-many years ago now, to share this journey with because I knew you needed the same thing as me: A space for your overly opinionated, highly emotional, and quite turbulent voice and inner thoughts. I needed a sanctum to hurl my deepest fears about the world, my broken heart and dreams, and then, after not much time at all, the personal need morphed to include the need to find someone to share this sanctum with, who could use it to better themselves as I was maybe, hopefully, seeing for myself. You’re my soul sister, babe, whether either of us ever wanted or expected it. Let’s go scream into the void together, forever and ever.
You, dear readers:
“I can no other answer make but thanks, / And thanks, and ever thanks.” — Twelfth Night
Show Your Support: Global Girl Media
For our final OTF Show Your Support, I’ve chosen Global Girl Media (GGM), which develops the voice and media literacy of teenage girls and young women, ages 14-25, in under-served communities by teaching them to create and share digital journalism designed to improve scholastic achievement, ignite community activism and spark social change.
We change the storytellers so they can change the world.
Global Girl Media empowers young women to bring their often-overlooked perspectives onto the global media stage. By turning up the volume of girls’ voices globally, GGM promotes freedom of expression and strengthens substantive journalism that addresses historically marginalized voices. We do this while also building self-esteem, leadership capacity, and 21st-century skills. Founded in 2010, we are currently active in South Africa, Kosovo, Chicago, Los Angeles, Greece, London, and the Bay Area.
You can’t be what you can’t see. Our media tells us a lot about who we are and the stories we believe about ourselves. Yet, a female POV is under-published, under-broadcast, and under-streamed compared to a male POV. Now more than ever, women and girls of color need a place at the table to change the narrative. That’s where GGM comes in.
In the OTF fashion, we have already donated $200 to Global Girl Media and we encourage you to give and/or promote what you can.
Daily Intention:
Today I choose…
goodbye, yes, but to also remember WORDS ARE MAGIC.
Here’s some nifty buttons for you to press, enjoy: