Garette and Henry
A boyband stan fanfic
In honor of boyband week here at OTF, my piece today is inspired by a cornerstone of boyband culture: fanfiction. No one does fanfiction quite like a boyband stan, so in honor of our prepubescent fantasies, here is an excerpt from a longform play about two people, Garette and Henry, as they navigate their ending marriage and life in the spotlight.
Garette woke up hungover on the couch from the night before. Her album debut party last night was one of the few times a year she allowed herself to overindulge in public. Ever since the paparazzi scandal two years ago, which happened to be perfect fodder for a few songs off the new record, she swore never to do it again. Now she just drinks in bed alone. Problem solved.
Her hair matted to the side of her face, her once flowing dress now wrinkled into angular oblivion, make-up crusted over her lashes, shoes still on—she surveyed the room.
Henry was asleep on a chair across from her. Her agent Amilia invited him to the party without asking and somehow he managed to make it back to her house. She forgot to tell Amilia that they actually broke up for real this time. Frankly, she was surprised he even accepted the invitation, but then again, he didn’t need to be convinced to show up anywhere with cameras.
Looking at him now, she could hear a new melody forming around his perfectly fitted suit and soft lips as he dozed on. Garette grabbed her phone and wrote down a few lines in her notes. Not half bad. Why is it so much easier to perform your feelings to a million strangers than to tell the person who needs to hear them the most?
Henry stirred and she walked into the other room to not wake him. Amilia had called about eight times already and it was barely 9:30 am.
Photos were up and apparently journalists had nothing better to do than write endless articles about her recent surgeries, Henry’s fights with the other bandmates, their separation, the star-studded guest list from last night, and the general chaos of their lives. Yet, there wasn’t much talk about the actual substance of the album, only that it existed and it was was another pop record. People would buy it, but just to learn about her deepest secrets to use them as kindling for their gossip blogs—not as true fans of music bothering to look into the complexities of her compositions. Henry’s recent single had flopped on the charts, but fans came out by the thousands to protest the industry trying to cover up his great artistic abilities—or so they say. He sells nothing and is labeled genius, while her masterpieces get platinum plaques. Yet they’re seen as a sideshow to the real attraction: the dismantling of her personal life.
It’s not as though Garette needs help in that department either; she’s plenty capable of imploding without the media’s help. Henry continues to sleep as she makes her morning coffee with a side of Xanax.
He looked just as good last night on the red carpet as he does now, curled up on the $4,000 chair they spent months fighting over, and now she can’t even remember why. His boy-next-door smile and devilish eyes stir up the perfect cocktail of spite and desire in her. Coupled with his infuriating charm, it’s no wonder his fans feel so strongly about him. How he ended up back here even though she swore she would never speak to him again isn’t a mystery but a pattern she keeps trying to break.
That’s a good line. She writes it down on her notes. Not even 10 am and already there’s half a new song done.
Garette had already walked the carpet and greeted the fans when he decided to show up. Late as usual. In her shock of seeing him, she lingered a few minutes longer than necessary with eager TV hosts, hoping he’d see her.
He was distracted by the same eager TV hosts noticing him and was quickly too enthralled with the attention to notice her. It was probably for the best, she told herself.
Finally inside, Garette found her seat and hurried to look simultaneously busy and bored. Staring off into the distance waiting for your lover turns from romantic to pathetic when the lover is fictional, though. She eventually saw Henry standing by the bar, also looking bored but certainly not busy—a concept as foreign to him as honesty.
Henry turned to Garette’s direction just as she decided to give up staring at nothing, and their absentminded expressions met across the room.
He took that as an invitation to say hello, and she didn’t correct him.
Henry sauntered over, weaving between directors, pop stars, producers, faux friends chatting nicely to avoid another incident, and the unimportant people invited to fill the room and look fabulous.
“Hello, darling. You look lovely.” He raised his glass to her, revealing the watch she bought him for their anniversary last year.
“Not too bad yourself, Henry,” she said, rolling her eyes up and down his well dressed body.
“Oh, this? My publicist gave it to me. Well, your publicist actually.”
“Ah, Amilia. I knew she was responsible for this.”
“Now don’t blame her; I asked to come.”
“Why?” Garette inquired.
“Well, as silly as you may think it seems, I wanted to support you.”
“Well, as silly as you may think it seems, I think that’s bullshit.”
“Why?”
“Because I could have actually used some support last week, and I don’t seem to recall you asking to be there then.”
“Look, bedside manner isn’t really my specialty.” He finished his scotch.
“Is that the best you got?”
“I'm just trying to be transparent, Gar. Seeing you like that triggers me. You know I don’t have the capacity to be there for you emotionally. My tank is full right now. This is a really stressful time for me. You know how fragile I’ve been since “Carry My Heart” didn’t break the Top 10.”
“Well, word is that your fragile ego has gotten a serious boost since people keep making you out to be the martyr and me the assassin. It didn’t break the Top 10 because it was a bad song, Henry, but yet more people love you more than ever! We both know it was a bad song.”
“Wow, Gar, I’m hurt. Why would I be considered such a desirable man in this town if it was really that bad of a record?”
She pursed her lips. “You know fans love an underdog, and you’re using that against me.”
“This is why I couldn’t be there last week, Garette. No matter what I do, it seems to piss you off.” Garette scoffed, but Henry continued, “I can’t do anything right. If I make a hit, then you’re upset it takes away from your spotlight. If it’s a flop, then you say I’m doing it to get sympathy. I don’t know what you want.”
“I told you what I want. I don’t care what you do with your career—I needed a ride home from the hospital! You could have at least called me a car, or called me at all!”
“Ah, I just felt like that was one of those things you needed to learn to do on your own.”
“Wow, thanks for the lesson, asshole.”
“Well jeez, I would have just done it if I knew you’d be in such a mood about it.”
“I was operated on ten days ago and then had to shove myself into these latex panty hoes and stupid dress for this party I didn’t even want to have. My ‘mood’ is the least of my issues.”
“Don’t you think that’s a little rude, Gar? There is a room full of people here to celebrate you. I don’t see how that couldn’t put a smile on your face! I wish you’d just cheer up.”
Garette smiled, but she wasn’t happy. “Wow, you are a genius! I’m healed! No depression, no mutilated cervix, no anxiety—I’m fine now that you told me to cheer up. Clear the room everyone, I’m gonna do a jig.”
“God, you’re so dramatic. I don’t know how I put up with you for so long.”
“You? Put up with me?” Her eyes burned.
“Please, Gar, there are a lot of important people here we need to meet; don’t embarrass us.”
“No, there are a lot of friends of mine here to support me. They’re only important to you because you can’t seem to stop social climbing. That won’t make your next song a hit, Henry, you actually have to spend time in the studio for that to happen.”
“Okay, so this is what it’s going to be like?”
“Like what? Me being honest? Yeah, that what it’s gonna be like.”
“Lower your voice.”
“Why? It’s my party. I don’t care what these people hear because it will only be the sound of you being an ass.”
Garette got up and farted loudly and continuously. Another unfortunate side effect of her recent operation as her organs readjust to their proper places.
“Henry, that was so disgusting! Do you have no shame?”
Garette walked away and smiled. Henry looked at the turned up faces around him and slumped in his chair.
Garette went to the bathroom to feel bad for herself. She had fully intended to leave him embarrassed in front of her illustrious guests but decided it looked worse on her to have a sulking fake husband openly flirting with video girls than just to pretend marital bliss for two more hours. She took two more pulls from the flask in her purse, went to the bar to chase it with champagne, and managed to muster up enough Hollywood to make a speech and thank Henry in it. They warn you about the constant paparazzi and lack of privacy, but they don’t tell you that there might be a time when your uterus is physically ripped out, your heart is metaphorically ripped out, and you’re supposed to deliver some kind words about your ex-husband because the press still thinks you’re together during your own party. Well, that’s the next album concept.
It felt wrong to be celebrating such a successful career when she was letting herself be manipulated by a man who had stolen from her twice. One time her credit card number, and the other her dignity.
Even though this was the first time he slept over in months, it still felt nice having him back in the house. If she was murdered right then and there, the report would detail stacks of unopened mail, three boxes of expired Cap’n Crunch in the kitchen, and one husband.
But sometimes you fall in love with someone just to teach you a lesson, not because you’re supposed to be with them forever. Garette needed to learn to put herself first. Before the fans, before the music, and definitely before a man—especially this one. She also needed to get rid of this hangover, so she got dressed and went for a walk to the beach to soak in some sun and saltwater.
Henry woke up a few hours later. Next to him were the divorce papers that she had finally signed.
When she got back to the house that afternoon, the place was empty. He had taken the papers and walked out. And for the first time in a long time, she felt like herself again.
Shit We’re Loving: LISTEN
Blaze’s Pick: “Sucker” by the Jonas Brothers
For boybands week, I’m listening to one of the newest Jonas Brothers songs: “Sucker,” released in 2019. The reforming of the Jonas Brothers after many years and side projects is an important moment in pop history. This iconic boyband of brothers first made a splash on the scene after debuting catchy tunes, impressive guitar skills, and consistent harmonies. Also, who could forget their controversial (or inspiring, depending on who you ask) purity rings?
Backed by Disney, the boys were able to star in a few movies, their own TV show, and play thousands of sold out arenas. The fact that they were all brothers made “small town family values” their brand when first starting out, and that’s what makes “Sucker” feel so special. The music video features all of the boys’ (now mens’) wives as an homage to their growing family and original roots as a band. This shows off their personal growth and journeys into manhood by prioritizing their gorgeous wives, looking into their futures and not dwelling on the past.
I find it very impressive that years later, their iconic Jonas Brothers sound still sparkles through the speakers, yet there is a palpable air of adulthood to the song that was lacking before. The song is still full of joyful pop beats and clever lyrics that never leave your head, but with a splash of maturity that carries their sound into a new era. I am excited to hear their new album, slated to be released early 2022.
Also, make sure to check out OTF’s very own Boybands Spotify Playlist! You won’t regret it.
Show Your Support: National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
May is Mental Health Awareness month so we’re spotlighting the National Alliance on Mental Health, the nation’s largest grassroots mental health organization dedicated to building better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness. NAMI envisions a world where all people affected by mental illness live healthy, fulfilling lives supported by a community that cares. Working towards that vision, NAMI provides advocacy, education, support, and public awareness so that all individuals and families affected by mental illness can build better lives.
Here’s a breakdown of what NAMI does:
We educate. Offered in thousands of communities across the United States through NAMI State Organizations and NAMI Affiliates, our education programs ensure hundreds of thousands of families, individuals and educators get the support and information they need.
We advocate. NAMI shapes national public policy for people with mental illness and their families and provides volunteer leaders with the tools, resources, and skills necessary to save mental health in all states.
We listen. Our toll-free NAMI HelpLine allows us to respond personally to hundreds of thousands of requests each year, providing free information and support—a much-needed lifeline for many.
We lead. Public awareness events and activities, including Mental Illness Awareness Week and NAMIWalks, successfully fight stigma and encourage understanding. NAMI works with reporters on a daily basis to make sure our country understands how important mental health is.
The amplified message for this year’s Mental Health Awareness month is “You Are Not Alone.” Together, we can realize our shared vision of a nation where anyone affected by mental illness can get the appropriate support and quality of care to live healthy, fulfilling lives — a nation where no one feels alone in their struggle. And between now and midnight on May 31, donations will be doubled up to $75,000 for a total of $150,000 in support of NAMI’s lifesaving work. In the OTF fashion, we have already donated $100 to NAMI for fighting the good fight!
Daily Intention:
Today I will…
Listen to more pop.
Here’s some nifty buttons for you to press, enjoy: