"Nobody's Perfect"
Aka, Hannah Montana kinda sucked...in a good way
Everybody makes mistakes; everybody has those days. Everybody knows what, what we’re talking ‘bout: Hannah Montana was kinda strange. As Robby Ray would say, what in the sam heck was even going on on some of those episodes?! Between the semi-outrageous celebrity cameos (we’re talkin’ Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, the Jonas Brothers, Dolly Parton, Brooke Shields, Heather Locklear, Larry David, Joey Fatone, and probably more), completely unrealistic plotlines (wigs do a lot of heavy lifting), and all-around pretty bizarre humor, Hannah Montana was probably not what most non-viewers assumed it was. It was much more than a silly, sweet show about a secret popstar. It’s the show that launched Miley Cyrus into stardom, the show that made being a “triple threat” (dancer, singer, actor) a requirement for any prospective Disney Channel stars, and the show that will live in infamy in the hearts of many Millennial/Gen Z cuspers for years to come. After much discussion, we narrowed down our five favorite episodes of this crazy show. You may agree with us, or you may disagree…nobody’s perfect, okay? And who said we’re not the premier critics of all things Hannah Montana? Sweet niblets! Let’s get crazy and settle this once and for all.
#5: Season 1, Episode 25 “Smells Like Teen Sellout”
Wikipedia Synopsis: Hannah agrees to endorse a new fragrance, which smells like raspberries, but can't stand its smell because of a horrid childhood disaster where she threw up on the governor of Tennessee after winning a pie-eating contest in 1999; Jackson tries out for a television survival program with disastrous results.
Kayla: Have you ever even heard of raspberry pie? Because I hadn’t until this episode. And truthfully, it made me never want to try it!
Aimée: Same! I mostly just remember young, unknown Selena Gomez being in this episode.
K: Oh yeah! She played the bitch!
A: Mikayla! They wouldn’t even let her actually do the singing for it. So bad…
K: Honestly though, I felt bad for Hannah because I know what it’s like to smell some stank-ass perfume, and it is not fun.
A: This episode also had a cute moral to it—it was a good lesson on honesty. But since we don’t remember the B-storyline at all (about Jackson...see above), this comes in at the bottom of our list.
K: However, it still makes the top five because it is completely nostalgic for me and it really made me want to smell how bad the perfume was.
A: It definitely stands out in my mind, too!
#4: Season 3, Episode 18 “He Could Be the One”
Wikipedia Synopsis: Miley repeatedly tries but fails to tell her dad that she's dating Jake Ryan again. Soon, Robby winds up believing that she's hiding something from him. To make her father thankful for Jake, she pretends to like her bad boy band mate Jesse, but gets in over her head when she starts to have feelings for him so it's up to Robby to help Miley listen to her heart and choose the guy who could "be the one." In the end, she tells Jesse that there is just something between her and Jake that is special and picks Jake after some help from a video of her mom and apparent divine intervention by her to help. Robby accepts their relationship after confirming with Miley that she made the right choice. Rico and Jackson just sing background commentary for the episode. Rico appears to know of Miley's secret while singing commentary.
A: This one came a little late in the game for us, but its impact on pop culture at large is undeniable. I just love the unique format of it, and the title song absolutely slaps. Also, both of the boys are cute as hell.
K: I was just going to say that! My teenage-self would definitely call them “heartthrobs” and would be crushing on them hardcore.
A: Are you Team Jesse or Team Jake? Both for Miley and for yourself.
K: For myself, Team Jesse all the way. Check out that smolder. For Miley, I’d have to say Jake. Is there anything more iconic than Jake and Miley/Hannah? Other than maybe Miley and Liam. R.I.P.
A: Couldn’t agree more!
#3: Season 2, Episode 4 “Get Down, Study-udy-udy”
Wikipedia Synopsis: When Miley receives a poor midterm grade in Biology, Robby says she must ace her midterm exam or it's no European tour for Hannah. Meanwhile, Jackson volunteers to take care of Thor's pet parrot, Snowball, but the talking bird creates problems for Jackson.
K: I cannot believe you found a GIF of this dance, but it is just so iconic. And can we talk about the outfit Miley is wearing?
A: Disney Channel wardrobe people were OBSESSED with camis over long sleeve shirts. Along with chunky belts.
K: Don’t forget the gaucho pants.
A: And Lilly’s hideous Bermuda shorts (that we def also wore back then)! Side note, as a person with family from Minnesota, I’m still personally offended by the Thor character. But I’m also offended by most of Jackson’s stupid storylines.
K: I kinda like Thor and his “very real” Minnesota accent. However, can we both agree that “The Bone Dance” song slaps?
A: Obviously! “The Bone Dance” is 100% one of the most iconic moments in all of Hannah Montana history...even if we can’t remember most of the words.
K: And didn’t her horrible teacher, Ms. Kunkle, start dating her dad?!
A: Yes! And she loved tarragon for whatever reason. But seriously, this is genuinely a great method for learning/memorizing terms and things!
K: TBH, this was a straight up stolen idea from the OG Babysitters Club movie.
A: Oooh, what an interesting development! We still love the Hannah Montana version, though.
#2: Season 1, Episode 1 “Lilly, Do You Want to Know A Secret?”
Wikipedia Synopsis: Lilly Truscott (Emily Osment) buys two tickets to see a Hannah Montana concert for her and her best friend Miley (Miley Cyrus). Because Miley secretly is Hannah Montana, she says she can't go, so Lilly goes to the concert with Oliver Oken (Miley and Lilly's friend). After sneaking into her dressing room, she finds out that Miley is Hannah Montana, so Miley shows Lilly her secret Hannah closet. However, when Lilly tries to convince Miley she should tell her secret to her school, Miley tells Lilly why it's a terrible idea, and they get into a fight, but make up soon after. Meanwhile, Jackson (Miley's older brother) tries to impress a girl by telling her he knows Hannah Montana and could get free tickets for her next show.
A: Awwww, they were such lil babies! We kind of had to choose this one, but it is a genuinely good episode of teen television.
K: With the exception of the completely unrealistic plotline.
A: And the heinous first Hannah wig!!
K: How would Lilly NOT know Miley is Hannah? This episode will always symbolize the start of a very important Disney era. Also, if this episode came out in 2021, it would be a Reel/TikTok using the “Nobody’s gonna know; they’re gonna know” sound.
A: It features a solid young Corbin Bleu cameo, decent introductions to all the characters—
K: —and it teaches you that ketchup is a good moisturizer!
A: Gross! But it’s cute and funny. It’ll definitely hook you into the rest of the series!
#1: Season 2, Episodes 9 & 10 “Achy Jakey Heart” (Parts 1 & 2)
Wikipedia Synopsis: (Part 1) When Jake returns and re-kindles his relationship with Miley, she begins to feel guilty for keeping her "Hannah" secret from him. When Jackson gets fired, he and Oliver open a stand that sells "Cheese Jerky," which becomes more successful than Rico's. Rico then attempts to steal their recipe. (Part 2) Jake creates a "normal person" disguise for his dates with Miley but still expects the star treatment he's been used to for so long, Miley considers breaking up with him, but fears he will get mad and reveal her secret. Meanwhile, Jackson and Oliver's Cheese Jerky stand goes from success to failure when they can't earn a profit.
A: Ahhhhhhh CHEESE JERKY!
K: Say what?
A: Say WHAT?
K: Cheese jerky!
A: Say what?
K: Say WHAT?
A: And it’s all freaky-freaky-freaky FRESH! Sizzlin’ Stewart and Smokin’ Oken Enterprises, patent pending.
K: Such a classic episode that will always hold the #1 place in my heart.
A: You know when it has both Jake Ryan drama AND everyone’s favorite song about meat and cheese that it HAS to be #1.
K: Also, can we talk about how a “supposedly” fifteen/sixteen-year-old boy named a freaking star after his girlfriend? It set some seriously unrealistic expectations for boyfriends.
A: Yeah, we can’t all date the star of Zombie High, I guess. I just remember being so thrilled by there being a two-part episode of Hannah Montana. We didn’t have much going on back then, okay?! If you told me at gunpoint (for whatever reason) that I had to put on an episode of Hannah Montana right this instant, it would for sure be “Achy Jakey Heart (Part 1).” And then, naturally, we’d have to watch Part 2 as well.
This show was definitely one in a million. It had its highs and its lows, but it always proved to us that it had nerve. Wanna take the Hannah Montana journey? You can stream it now on Disney+.
Shit We’re Loving: EXPERIENCE
Aimée and Kayla’s Pick: Learn the “Hoedown Throwdown”
Most people can tell you how to do the Cupid Shuffle or the Wobble…but do you know how to pop it, lock it, polka dot it, countrify, then hip-hop it? I can proudly say that yours truly, Kayla and Aimée, know how to do every single step. Honestly, we were so proud of this fact that we even tried to get up on stage at the eighth grade dance and perform it. Only to get slightly embarrassed and leave the stage. However, this classic dance will always hold a special place in our hearts. Now you can learn it alongside Miley, too! Thanks to the depths of YouTube, you can be transported back in time to the era of The Hannah Montana Movie and learn this great dance for yourself.
PS: We told y’all we had those Bermuda shorts!
Show Your Support: GLAAD
Happy Pride Month! Here at Our Trust Fund, our love for the LGBTQ+ community is palpable. To celebrate our queer-identifying writers and readers, plus all those working on making the world a better place, we’re spotlighting GLAAD as our Show Your Support: June organization.
GLAAD, Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, rewrites the script for LGBTQ acceptance. It is a media force that narrows in on discrimination in the media. GLAAD takes tough issues to reshape the narrative and provoke progressive dialogue that leads to cultural change. They stand for protecting everything accomplished for the LGBTQ community and for holding those in power accountable. On their website, you can check out their Accountability Tracker for President Biden. This tracker monitors the Biden administration’s executive orders, legislative support, and speeches that affect LGBTQ people and rights.
Their current campaign is the & Together Movement. This is a pledge to declare you stand with all communities subject to discrimination. For GLAAD, the “&” represents the power of our voices together to accelerate acceptance for all. If you’re interested in learning more and signing up, check out their campaign page.
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