I have talked about the fact that I am an avid reader. Twilight got me into reading in fifth grade and it’s been downhill from there. How could a love of reading be downhill you may ask? That’s not the spiral! The spiral is my standard! I’m gonna leave Edward out of this cause he isn’t a perfect example of leading men but if we’re gonna give him the credit, he is a man written by a woman! Which isn’t saying much if you know Stephanie Meyers… Back to the point! Reading is incredible we do it every day and for most, it’s second nature. Reading expands the mind and allows us to peer through windows into worlds we never thought possible. It’s beautiful and it’s chaotic too. Fanfiction! Is it’s own beautiful form of chaos? Some of the best things I’ve ever read have been fan fiction! I am constantly reading even when I don’t have time to pick up a book. I’ve got at least three different tabs open on my phone, two active and something to start later. Anything you could ever ask for is there! Any character you’ve thought about, show/ movie you’ve loved, fantasy you’ve had, or partner you are hoping to meet. It’s all there! Fanfiction can be a beautiful self-expression or a slutty mess however you prefer it but one thing I know for certain is fan fiction has ruined me!
That might sound harsh but it has! How could any person live up to the version of the nonexistent lover I have created/expect from these stories? I read about men that know when you’re sad and go out of their way to make you feel better, men who do things with you because you like them, men who show you off to their friends because they feel lucky to have you, men who enjoy giving head! Women (and some gay men) have written male characters that make people fall in love with them for real because the men in their lives leave dishes in the sink and fall asleep after they get off. I’ve read about great loves that aren’t unrealistic. That’s the problem, isn’t it? I’m not asking for a slain dragon, I just want a man that washes his ass and remembers my birthday! Yes, I am a bisexual, I could rant about women all day long but for the point of this piece and my expectations, we will be talking strictly about men because let’s face it. My standards for men are good body but not too self-centered, nice face, good teeth, nice and clean hair, good hygiene, funny, smart, sweet, kind, likes his family, doesn’t want kids, tips the waiter, will try new things, isn’t embarrassing, want to go out and stay in sometimes, etc. My standards for women are: be a woman. How can you live up to these standards when I have the perfect person already in my head and I own a vibrator. The only time it disappoints me is when the battery is dead! Each and every aspect of a man has been ruined for me.
Looks—
I can’t be an asshole and say I’m perfect! I mean I am hot as hell and I know it! But I also know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. It’s ok. It sounds like too much work to have everyone love you and I don’t wanna have to fight people off with a stick! But when I can take all my favorite features of people and make my dream partner it’s hard to live up to the perfect pretty. I love imperfections, I really do! I love the things that make each of us unique, but when I’m in my head why do I have to dream up any? I’m not turning anyone down cause their nose is big or they didn’t have braces but the dream prince in my head doesn’t have any imperfections! If you don’t have to look like him, but if you aren’t acting like him- I’m not settling!
Stamina—
Have you ever read good smut?!? The things these men can do!! Hot tamale!!! I know these aren’t real men but it’s like porn with love! (Or without! Whatever you're into. No judgment here.) If you can imagine it these men can do it! Why would you ever want an IRL man who can’t find the clit or fist bumps you and falls asleep after he nuts?! Again, good smut and a vibrator can be way more satisfying than some dude who claims every woman he’s been with orgasms from his penis alone… like come on, easy choice!
Expectations—
During the worst breakup of my life, I got told I expected a fairytale. I expected too much and it wasn’t fair on my partner. What I had expected was for him to show up on time and remember my birthday? Like come on, how is that a fairytale?!? The men I read about travel across the world for their partners, battle real monsters and the everyday problems, go out of their way to show their love! I’m not asking someone to fight my battles or any actual battles but if I’ve had a bad day try to make it a little better. You could simply sit with me or send me a “thinking about you” text. It’s not hard to show someone you care about them! So yea maybe I do have high expectations but I don’t expect anything I wouldn’t personally do. Maybe it’s not even high expectations, it’s just the golden rule. Treat people how you want to be treated. If I wanna give you the world I hope you’ll give it back. I’ve been through too much to accept less so I will move on if I am not given what I put out! It’s ok if we have different love languages or expectations but I’m not sticking around if I’m not treated with some form of respect!
I know I have set these standards but I really don’t feel it’s too much to ask! I don’t want someone to treat me like a burden. I don’t want to be the old ball and chain. I want you to be excited to be with me, just as I am to be with you and it shouldn’t be that hard to find. Unfortunately, fanfiction has ruined me for the real dating world and I am not too mad about it. My standards might be high but I won’t settle because I know I deserve it. Somewhere, somehow someone will come along and check off all the boxes! It will be worth the wait and I will let them know I was reading about them and waiting!
Shit We’re Loving: EXPERIENCE
Lizzy’s Pick: Hadestown
If you aren’t familiar with musical theater you can just use that as the experience! But if you do know a little bit you might have heard of Hadestown!! Based on the Greek myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, this show is anything but your high school literature class. It’s upbeat, jazzy, and set in the 20s, mining, steampunk vibe. The stage work is beautiful and the music sticks with you after you leave. Don’t think this show is for you that’s fine! Go find another to support, this was my theater’s first show back in 20 months and the building was buzzing! People were happy to be back, the ushers were smiling and the cast was ready to perform!! There was magic in the air and it was simply because people were happy to be supporting what they love.
Show Your Support: Donors Choose
Donors Choose as a platform makes it easy for anyone to help a teacher in need. Their mission is to move us as a nation closer to the point where every student’s needs are met and great education is being had. Donors Choose is committed to leading with empathy to combat systemic racism and socioeconomic inequity in our school system. Since 2000, Donors Choose has supported over 5 million people and over 2 million classroom project requests that range from butterfly cocoons, to robotics kits, to books with diverse characters, and classroom basics like tables and chairs.
Donors Choose works simply: Find a classroom project that inspires you and give as little as $1—since Donors Choose is a public charity, all donations are tax-deductible! When the project is fully funded, Donors Choose purchases all the requested items and ships them directly to the teacher. Every donor gets a thank-you from the teacher, photos of the project in action, and a detailed report of how each dollar was spent.
For all the devil’s advocates out there (like myself) this totally does not take away from the horrible fact that our education system needs some serious reform and our teachers should not have to set up a donations page to get supplies. The system is wrong. But until it changes, we have the power to help those who can’t wait. And if you’re a teacher (like Aimée!), you and your classroom have the opportunity to get funded. Check out the teacher process here.
Daily Intention:
Today I will…
Set my bar even higher cause I know I am worth it!
Here’s some nifty buttons for you to press, enjoy: