The Others

A stream of consciousness from one very tired New Yorker.

Sep 14, 2021

I am not making a groundbreaking statement when I say how fucking tired I am. We are all tired. Well, most of us anyway. You see, there were two kinds of people when the Pandemic happened. The first type was the person who couldn’t wait to get out of the drudgery of their day to day lives. The people who took this time as an opportunity to change everything and restructure their lives in a way that truly served them and their passions. The people who moved away from the cities they hated, but lived in for career opportunity. The people who always wanted a dog, but couldn’t because they were never home. The people who decided it was time to seize the day.

And then there were The Others…

The Others did not want to move out of the cities they loved. They liked their lives and their commutes and their office happy hours. They liked their jobs, even when they hated them. They were comfortable and while maybe not happy, they were content or something close. They did not want change. I am an Other.

I am so fucking tired of the “New Normal”. I hate that fucking term and I hate the people that are happier now with all the “freedom” remote work has “blessed” us with. I am angry that I am not flexible or malleable or any other synonym for amenable to this new way of life. I hate the new way of life. It sucks. It’s stupid. It hurts.

I want to get on the subway every morning and I want it to be 100 degrees on the platform. I want to slack my boss that once again the trains are fucked and when I get to work I want to commiserate over coffee with my co-workers about how much money we give the MTA every month for our unlimited metro cards and the least they can do is keep the trains running. I want to regret my shoe choice when it is time to leave and I realize I forgot to waterproof my new boots and it is raining. I want my 45 minute commute back home.

I want drinks after work at The Mason Jar and I want Taylor Swift spin classes at Cyc and I want concerts in Brooklyn on the weekends and I want $50 Ubers home because I got too drunk on a Tuesday at K-Town karaoke. I want to tell non-New Yorkers that New York City will make you lose your will to live and I want it to be a joke. I want to avoid Times Square like the plague and I want New Year’s Eve plans. I want to kiss boys in bars and never see them again and I want to remember what it feels like not to care.

Instead I am home. I am home all the time and I don’t want to leave, but I don’t want to stay. And when I mean I don’t want to leave, I am talking about New York; and when I mean I don’t want to stay, I am also talking about New York. I want these 2 years of my life back. I want to feel the way I felt before my life stopped and it seemed like everyone else’s kept going. The people who couldn’t wait to change their lives when the world stopped make me irrationally angry and sad and jealous because they were the glass half full people and I am glass half empty and I am so fucking tired of being empty.

I am so angry because this feels done to me. As if I hadn’t just left an emotionally abusive job. As if the person I loved more than anything hadn’t just died. As if I hadn’t just found my footing before the rug was pulled out and the roof caved in and it felt like everything was simply shattering.

How do I put myself back together again? How many kicks until I am down for good? When do the tough lessons ease up? When do I get to feel normal? Not the old normal or the new normal or any of the normals in between. I want the normal that you don’t think about. The normal where I wake up and it is just another day.

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Sydney’s Pick: Taylor Tomlinson: Quarter-Life Crisis

Can you tell I am having a quarter life crisis? After my piece today I thought you could all use a little laugh while also keeping it on theme for my mood today. I am supremely unhappy and completely done with the shit storm that has been my 20s. Coincidentally, so is Taylor Tomlinson in her Netflix Special “Quarter-Life Crisis”.

The special is pretty much what you can imagine: a girl in her 20s completely done with the myth that your 20s are supposed to be the best years of your life (if this is true then the rest of my life if going to be pretty fucking bad).

Have a laugh and commiserate with this up and coming comedienne. It’s definitely worth a watch. She’s also currently touring. I was able to catch her between tour dates at a comedy showcase and she was great, so if you have the opportunity to catch a full show I would highly recommend it.

Taylor Tomlinson: Quarter-Life Crisis is available for streaming on Netflix.

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Kayla acknowledges the Kiikaapoi, Jumanos, Wichita, and Tawakoni land she lives on.

Blaze acknowledges the Ramaytush, Ohlone, and Muwekma land she lives on.

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