Would You Rather...
Or, things get *wild* via Zoom
It’s Friday so you know the drill. For our collaboration today, we played an intense round of Would You Rather over Zoom. As you can imagine, it was hilarious. Read on for our answers to these tough, tough questions and, at the end, answer them yourself with our handy-dandy Google Doc! Hit us up on our socials also to yell at which question you were more disturbed by…ENJOY!
QUESTION 1:
Would you rather have Aimée’s job OR work at Chick-fil-A?
Have Aimée’s job (middle school teacher): Blaze, Aimée, Lizzy, Shelby
Work at Chick-fil-A: Kayla, Sydney
Blaze: I choose being a teacher, but it’s totally hard.
Sydney: If it wasn’t middle school!
Aimée: Obviously I’m going to pick my job…
Kayla: It has to be Chick-fil-A. The French fries!
Sydney: And the employee discount!
Lizzy: Well, I like women, so I don’t think they’d like me.
QUESTION 2:
Would you rather marry Donald Trump, Jr. OR marry Eric Trump?
Donald Trump, Jr.:
Eric Trump: Shelby, Aimée, Sydney, Blaze, Lizzy, Kayla
Sydney: Can I just kill myself?
Blaze: Yeah, is suicide an option?
Shelby: Which one’s dumber?
Sydney: I guess Eric Trump hasn’t done as many crimes against humanity.
Lizzy: I’m going Eric for the smaller age gap. DT Jr. is old.
Blaze: His body isn’t great either.
Shelby: I could *possibly* get down with the beard. At least it’s a distraction from…everything else. And at least his name is Eric, not Donald *shudders*.
QUESTION 3:
Would you rather only ever listen to disco music OR only ever listen to podcasts?
🕺Disco music: Lizzy, Shelby, Kayla
🎧 Podcasts: Blaze, Aimée, Sydney
Lizzy: *answers with zero hesitation*
Sydney: What about music podcasts??? Because Kayla and I have been listening to a fantastic music podcast (Every Album Ever: Taylor Swift).
Kayla: Podcasts have a time and place. We need music!
Lizzy: Yeah, how do you bang to a podcast??
QUESTION 4:
Would you rather go into the past and meet your ancestors OR go into the future and meet your great-great-grandchildren?
Ancestors: Shelby, Lizzy, Blaze, Sydney, Kayla
Great-great grandchildren: Aimée
Aimée: My ancestors have been living on this land for 200-300 years, sooooo I don’t really want to know what they were doing.
Shelby: Okay, but what if your great-great-grandchildren suck??
Sydney: It’s all about healing the ancestral trauma.
Kayla: Aimée just wants to meet someone who is related the Jonas Brothers…“She said, ‘I’ve been to the year 3000!’”
Aimée: If I even have great-great-grandchildren, then that means the human race still exists. Which is maybe a win?
QUESTION 5:
Would you rather have more time OR more money?
🕰️ More time: Aimée, Kayla, Shelby, Lizzy
💸 More money: Sydney, Blaze
Sydney: More money creates more time. I can just hire people to do things for me!
Aimée: It’s pretty telling that Shelby and I immediately gravitated toward “time” since we’ve never really had any financial issues.
Shelby: Yeah, I already have money.
Lizzy: Question, is it more time in the day or more years in your life?
Shelby: I guess more time in the day.
Kayla: The thought of having too much money just stresses me out!
QUESTION 6:
Would you rather have a rewind button OR a pause button on your life?
⏪ Rewind button: Kayla, Blaze, Sydney, Lizzy, Aimée
⏸️ Pause button: Shelby
Sydney: A pause button would do nothing for me. I don’t think quick enough to pause. It wouldn’t be before I said something, it would be used to undo the thing that I just said.
Kayla: Taylor Swift said it best… “and my words shoot to kill when I’m mad, I have a lot of regrets about that”.
Aimée: Shelby, I feel like you choosing “pause” is a stoner vibe.
Shelby: *laughs wickedly*
Blaze: You’re not wrong!
Lizzy: I would use the pause button to leave the room. Just dip.
QUESTION 7:
Would you rather be able to talk to animals OR speak all languages?
Talk to animals: Shelby
Speak all languages: Aimée, Kayla, Lizzy, Blaze, Sydney
Shelby: *shrugs* This might also be a stoner vibe.
Blaze: *from the back* Again, you’re not wrong! But if you try hard enough, you can already speak to animals.
Aimée: Okay, but if the dog spoke, would barking come out as words? So like they’re just screaming at you all the time?!
Shelby: I guess I would just hear the dog’s thoughts in my mind, if only because screaming all the time is terrifying. Though communicating through the mind is different than speaking all languages. So I don’t know. I just have long, endless conversations with Banshee and would love if I could know what my sweet boy is thinking.
Kayla: I meow back to my cats!
Sydney: That’s cat-mom vibes.
QUESTION 8:
Would you rather lose your vision OR your hearing?
👀 Lose vision: Aimée
👂Lose hearing: Kayla, Lizzy, Shelby, Sydney, Blaze
Kayla: Lizzy, we’re definitely on the same vibe tonight!
Lizzy: You can still have music with hearing loss—the vibrations!
Shelby: I guess I’ll choose “hearing” then?
Sydney: It doesn’t interfere with your life as much as losing your vision.
Aimée: I don’t know, this has just always been my gut reflex when asked this question! I do have pretty poor vision already. And I would love to have an acute sense of hearing—like a bat! 🦇
QUESTION 9:
Would you rather always say everything that’s on your mind and accept the consequences that come with that OR never speak again?
📣 Say everything on your mind: Shelby, Aimée, Blaze
🙊 Never speak again: Sydney, Kayla, Lizzy
Shelby: I don’t think I’ll ever not speak. I’m a Gemini. It’s all we do.
Aimée: I would choose that, too, even though I know I would lose my job. But I guess I’d also lose my job if I couldn’t speak at all?
Sydney: Is it “never speak again” as in just verbally or like never communicate ever again?
Shelby: Just not speak verbally. You can still communicate.
Sydney: Then instantly, “never speak again.”
Kayla: Thinking of my answer is giving me anxiety! But I guess I’d have to go with “never speak again” as well. I’d be too afraid of ruining relationships if I always said what was on my mind. Better to just bottle it all in, I guess.
Sydney: That’s the way the world is supposed to work! You hold everything in—
Lizzy: UNTIL YOU DIE!!
QUESTION 10:
Would you rather be stuck on an island alone OR with someone who talks incessantly?
Stuck on the island alone: Lizzy, Shelby, Blaze
Stuck with someone who doesn’t shut the fuck up: Sydney, Kayla, Aimée
Sydney: This goes back to my answer for the last one. I generally choose to ignore people who never shut the fuck up, but I would still rather be stuck on an island with that kind of person than with no one. I’ll just tune them out when I need to. I already do that, actually.
Kayla: I cannot be alone. Plus, I can block out anyone who is talking. Just ask my husband.
Shelby: Sure, we all want support!
Lizzy: Nah, I’m good. I hate people.
Sydney: I mean, we were all basically trapped on an island this past year. If you were living alone, you were alone. Thinking again, if the person on the island is a stranger that never shuts up, then I think I would choose being alone.
Lizzy: Yeah, what if you have to fight the person?!
Shelby: Super fucking morbid, but having another person there means I’m not in total control. I can’t just make a decision—good or bad—without having to weigh in with another person. If I want to fling myself off the cliff, then that means I’m leaving that person alone. And then the guilt!
QUESTION 11:
Would you rather hear the good news first OR the bad news first?
👍 Good news first: Aimée
👎 Bad news first: Sydney, Lizzy, Kayla, Shelby, Blaze
Sydney: This totally depends on how good the good news is and how bad the bad news is. Like, give an example—is the good news that the grocery store has Diet Pepsi Lime and the bad news is that Donald Trump was reelected? Then my choice would be different.
Shelby: Wait, Diet Pepsi Lime?
Sydney: It’s hard to find!
Blaze: Diet Pepsi Lime and Donald Trump getting reelected are both bad news...
Lizzy: Okay, think: you won the lottery, but Grandma fell.
Sydney: If those are the options, I’d want the bad news first.
Lizzy: Then you can potentially help Grandma!
Aimée: If we’re thinking that example, I would want the good news first, or else I don’t think I’d really appreciate it. I need that moment of excitement and then the slap of reality.
Kayla: These are hard! My life rides on these answers. I have so much anxiety! I feel like I would be more anxious for the bad news. So I’d rather have that first and get it over with.
QUESTION 12:
Would you rather be able to take back anything you say OR hear every conversation around you?
Take back anything you say: Kayla, Shelby
Hear every conversation around you: Sydney, Lizzy, Aimée, Blaze
Sydney: My answer is based on a similar question, “which superpower would you want,” and I’ve always wanted to read everyone’s mind.
Lizzy: Yeah, I am a nosy bitch.
Sydney: It would make dating so much easier! You don’t have to have the “wHaT aRe We??” question.
Kayla: But what if they’re talking about you?
Sydney: Well, then you would know and can call people out on it.
Shelby: But what if you can’t control it? And what’s the distance? Because if I could just hear everyone, I wouldn’t be able to sleep.
Kayla: You just become Edward Cullen!
Aimée: Hearing every conversation would be a teacher superpower. Aaaaand I’m also a nosy bitch.
Blaze: I’ve (kind of) learned how to keep my mouth shut, so I hopefully don’t need that anymore…but I’ll be a nosy bitch forever.
QUESTION 13:
Would you rather be constantly gossiped about OR never talked about at all?
Be constantly gossiped about: Shelby, Aimée, Lizzy, Blaze
Never talked about at all: Sydney, Kayla
Sydney: I’ve never been the topic of conversation really, and I think I prefer it that way.
Shelby: See, I love being talked about.
Aimée: Yes! I’m so vain! *queue Carly Simon*
Shelby: All publicity is good publicity.
Sydney: I wouldn’t want to be a headline!
Lizzy: But you’re not being talked about at all. You practically don’t exist.
Sydney: Isn’t that my life now?
Blaze: People can say whatever they want.
QUESTION 14:
Would you rather live the rest of your life as a monk OR be followed continuously by the paparazzi?
🙏🏻 Celibacy, here I come: Kayla, Aimée, Sydney, Lizzy
📸 “Leave Britney alone”: Shelby, Blaze (reluctantly)
Kayla: I see all the celebrities and feel so bad for their lives. Being a child actor/actress is even more stressful. And didn’t Sophie Turner just scream at the paparazzi for getting too close to her new baby?
Shelby: See I’m like really vain. I would just…yell at them? Like not give a fuck. I also won’t be having children, so I don’t have to go into that Momma Bear mode.
Aimée: Yeah, harassment doesn’t do it for me.
Shelby: *laughs* Fuck, what does it mean if it does something for me??
Blaze: I would HATE being followed by the paparazzi, but I just couldn’t live a life of celibacy; my body would explode of horniness.
QUESTION 15:
Would you rather never get angry OR never be envious?
Never get angry: Lizzy, Shelby
Never be envious: Kayla, Aimée, Sydney, Blaze
Kayla: I feel like a lot of my anger comes from my envy. In the age of social media and shit!
Sydney: I one hundred percent agree.
Aimée: This is an eyeroll answer, but if we’re thinking in terms of religion, envy is a sin, while anger is natural. It would be weird if you were never angry. But it would be nice to not be envious.
Kayla: Especially when you’re envious of your friends. Being human sucks!
Lizzy: See, I feel like I don’t really envy people to begin with. And anger can be simple, unnecessary emotions like road rage, which would just be easier to not have.
Shelby: This is why I’m stoned all the time. So I have no anger.
Blaze: I agree with Aimée that anger sometimes feels natural. I’d hate to never experience it at all because some things should make you angry, so I’ll go with envy.
QUESTION 16:
Would you rather have one nipple OR two bellybuttons?
One nipple, sign me up: Sydney, Lizzy, Shelby
Two bellybuttons, I’m there: Kayla, Aimée, Blaze
Sydney: I feel like a better question is four nipples and two bellybuttons. Like, what would “one nipple” even look like?!
Kayla: Uniboob! I’d rather have two bellybuttons than one boob.
Lizzy: But it’s not one boob, you still have both boobs, just one nipple. And you can get a nipple tattooed. But is it like the Y2K piercing symbol of showing you’re gay by having your left ear pierced? Like having only the left nipple means this versus only having the right nipple.
Sydney: Interesting! I didn’t think of the tattoo option. Maybe I’m converted…
*a pause*
Kayla: Alllll that bellybutton lint!
*groans all around*
Blaze: I couldn’t sacrifice the nipple play! I love my nipples too much to let one of them go, so extra lint it is.
Lizzy: And double piercings!
Aimée: You could do some cool stuff with those two bellybuttons…
Lizzy: What if you have one innie and one outie?!?
*screaming all around*
QUESTION 17:
Would you rather always feel like someone is following you, but no one is, OR always feel like someone is watching you, even though no one is?
Follow me: Aimée, Shelby, Kayla, Lizzy, Sydney
Watch me: Blaze
Lizzy: This question is giving me anxiety.
Sydney: Okay, so “following” implies you’re out and about, but not in your house. Having someone watch you all the time, while you’re in the shower, or in bed—
Lizzy: —or taking a shit—
Sydney: —is way creepier.
Shelby: But no one actually is!
Kayla: But you think someone is!
Lizzy: But if you’re into that kink, then you might be good?
Shelby: …I might be into that kink.
Blaze: So the main distinction is inside or outside the house? Both of these are terrifying, but I feel like with “watching” we could get into voyeurism, and I’m into it.
QUESTION 18:
Would you rather be a reverse centaur OR a reverse mermaid?
Horse head: Shelby, Sydney, Kayla
Fish head: Aimée, Lizzy, Blaze
Sydney: Who wrote this??
Shelby: NOT ME! *totally was her*
Sydney: I don’t even know how to answer this.
Lizzy: Do you have to smell like a fish?
Sydney: All right, I have my answer. It’s solely based on proportions and angle—with a fish head, you’re just always looking upright. *demonstrates on Zoom* At least with a horse’s head, you’re facing the right way.
Aimée: But you could breathe underwater AND on land!
Blaze: This is a disturbing question, but I like Aimée’s point that you can breathe underwater. So “fish head!”
Kayla: You could whip and neigh neigh with that mane.
*laughter and head-shaking ensues*
Sydney: You should be arrested for that.
Kayla: The fact that I’ve been thinking about it for two whole minutes makes it even worse!
Aimée: Shelby, you should have thrown reverse satyr into the mix. A goat head would be fun!
QUESTION 19:
Would you rather have edible spaghetti hair that regrows every night OR sweat maple syrup?
🍝 I already eat my hair: Sydney, Lizzy, Aimée
🍁 Lick it UP: Kayla, Shelby, Blaze
Sydney: I didn’t even ASK to have this question in my mind.
Kayla: I’m going with the maple syrup sweat.
Aimée: Kayla, if you sweat maple syrup, you’d have to wash your sheets every day!
Sydney: No one wants to be sticky, and with spaghetti hair, you get unlimited carbs.
Lizzy: But does it get dirty like hair?
Aimée: Also, is it cooked spaghetti or raw?
Shelby: I was thinking edible, so cooked spaghetti. Also, what does wet spaghetti smell like??? At least maple syrup smells good! And is kinky…
Kayla: You’d kinda smell like a Waffle House. Kinda good, kinda mehhhh.
Blaze: I’d love to smell like a Waffle House.
Aimée: I guess it would be a lot to smell like spaghetti…
Sydney: It would be a lot to smell like maple syrup!
Shelby: One’s just more fun than the other. 👅
FINAL QUESTION:
Would you rather date someone with the same name as your parent/sibling OR the same name as your ex?
Moan your dad’s name: Kayla, Shelby
Dirty talk your ex’s name: Aimée, Sydney, Lizzy, Blaze
Shelby: Doesn’t it depend on the name?
Kayla: I don’t think of “Chris” as my dad. He’s just “Dad” to me, so I don’t associate that name with him.
Aimée: It is a common enough name, which def helps.
Sydney: I couldn’t date a Noah (my sister) or a John (my dad). But don’t worry, I’ve dated three people named Sam.
Aimée: I just wanted to make an obnoxious comment. It does seem like it’s easier to date multiple people with the same common name, because you’re less likely to associate a common name with any one person. But, being vain again, if you ever meet another Aimée—which you won’t—you would immediately think of me.
Shelby: Zack has an aunt with your name!
Lizzy: I watched a French film where somebody had your name!
Aimée: 😐🙄
Now, we want to hear from YOU! Have some fun and answer these outrageous questions yourself on this Google Form.
Shit We’re Loving: PEOPLE
Our Pick: The cast from Sleepover
This. Fucking. Movie. Originally we were going to feature the superstar that allegedly created Would You Rather, Justin Heimburg, but that’s boring as hell so here are our favorite ladies who inspired all of us to make ridiculous WYR questions. Thanks for being the literal inspo for our own sleepovers (those horrible cameras that could print tiny, long photos? Anyone else demand they own that?) and starting our love for baby Evan Peters. We only went up from there!
Show Your Support: National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
May is Mental Health Awareness month so we’re spotlighting the National Alliance on Mental Health, the nation’s largest grassroots mental health organization dedicated to building better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness. NAMI envisions a world where all people affected by mental illness live healthy, fulfilling lives supported by a community that cares. Working towards that vision, NAMI provides advocacy, education, support, and public awareness so that all individuals and families affected by mental illness can build better lives.
Here’s a breakdown of what NAMI does:
We educate. Offered in thousands of communities across the United States through NAMI State Organizations and NAMI Affiliates, our education programs ensure hundreds of thousands of families, individuals and educators get the support and information they need.
We advocate. NAMI shapes national public policy for people with mental illness and their families and provides volunteer leaders with the tools, resources, and skills necessary to save mental health in all states.
We listen. Our toll-free NAMI HelpLine allows us to respond personally to hundreds of thousands of requests each year, providing free information and support—a much-needed lifeline for many.
We lead. Public awareness events and activities, including Mental Illness Awareness Week and NAMIWalks, successfully fight stigma and encourage understanding. NAMI works with reporters on a daily basis to make sure our country understands how important mental health is.
The amplified message for this year’s Mental Health Awareness month is “You Are Not Alone.” Together, we can realize our shared vision of a nation where anyone affected by mental illness can get the appropriate support and quality of care to live healthy, fulfilling lives — a nation where no one feels alone in their struggle. And between now and midnight on May 31, donations will be doubled up to $75,000 for a total of $150,000 in support of NAMI’s lifesaving work. In the OTF fashion, we have already donated $100 to NAMI for fighting the good fight!
Daily Intention:
Today I will…
Answer these WYR questions myself! (Which you can do right here!)
Here’s some nifty buttons for you to press, enjoy: